fear

What's your biggest fear? At the core of your existence, what are you most afraid of? Are you willing to share it? Are you willing to own it? Are you able to do something about it? Can you make it through the day without thinking about it? Does the thought alone suffocate you? Would your life be worth living without the fear of your biggest fear? ....mine, would not...

breakthrough

I've reach a significant milestone breakthrough in my weight loss goals today! Whoo hooo..yay me! That is all. :-)

pressure

Much the way that a cutter would describe a feeling of comfort and relief while indulging in their taboo ritual, I would describe a similar feeling when referencing my indulgent fantasies of a simplistic life and state of mind.

Bend anything too far and the weight of that pressure is sure to cause a snap for relief. There’s something about the idea that at any moment an object under great pressure could snap which intrigues me as I continue to push the limits of pressure out of my own shear curiosity and will.

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”.~Peter Marshall

it's kind of like yogurt

blogging, that is (stay with me here). I have this thing about yogurt. I love it in phases, one month I'm on and the next..well you know. That seem to be my formidable relationship with this blog as well. So, today...I'm on it like yogurt. :)

I've had some thoughts bouncing around in my mind lately. Thoughts consisting mostly of frustration, contempt and discourse about certain circumstances in my life that seem beyond my control. This lack of control is an area of awkward ickiness for me. I admittedly, do not like disorder or scattered ideas. I prefer to explore ideas, seek information, categorize and find logical order to my thoughts. Unfortunately, that can be difficult when dealing with people that are completely oblivious.

But, I know that by moving on, moving forward and making a new plan I can regain some of the control over these circumstances in my life. Which I know that I can do, by remembering this mantra. There is nothing wrong with visiting the sad places in your mind, however; they key to truly moving on is to make sure that those visits are short and become consistently less frequent with time. In other words, if you want to move on, you can visit....but you can't live there!

full steam ahead...choo choo!

Omg,…the holidays are over! Time sure flies when you’re traveling, laughing, staying up late and enjoying loved ones.

I’m back to work today, and I don’t mean just the work that pays the bills..I mean, the work that makes my body, mind and soul happy and healthy.

It’s time to regroup, refocus, organize and start refueling with healthy foods. I took about a 5 day break from my “healthy habits”, and there was nothing all that enjoyable about it (well, ok at the time..it seemed yummy) but I suffered from 3 major migraine headaches during those 5 days. Mind you, I almost never get migraines anymore! So,…3 in one week was madness.

Crazy how suddenly filling my body full of crap and NOT exercising affected me in such a negative way. Not only did I have crazy headaches but I also felt sick and just plain exhausted as I tried to regroup yesterday. But, by the time I’d gotten home from the 6 hour drive back to AZ on Saturday, I had nothing left! I slept for 14 hours that night, and spent my entire Sunday trying to muster up the energy to go grocery shopping, do laundry and clean the house. Well, the house got somewhat cleaned thanks to a LOT of help from my wonderful daughter….and only 2 loads of laundry saw their way through the cycle. Shopping? Uh..no..we just ate the few things we had around the house and ordered take out! lol

Anyways..all of that is behind me now. It’s over, and I do NOT intend to feel the least bit guilty about it. It’s all eyes forward and full steam ahead..choo choo!

movement

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.-Walt Disney

Movement may be the most powerful word in the English language. Defined as "The act or an instance of moving; a change in place or position." Isn't that exactly what life is about? If so, is it fair to assume that the opposite of movement is stagnant? I’ve experienced both of these conditions enough to understand the difference. Movement has made me feel uncomfortable, sad, lonely, uneasy, excited, glorious and proud all at the same time. This mixed nut bag of emotions has overwhelmed me many times and driven me towards a more familiar state of being…stagnation.

Stagnation is always there, lurking in the shadows of my mind waiting for an opportunity to trap me in it's cold, boney grasp. Even though stagnation is cold and scary, it offers an element of comfort and security for the familiar. There is a reason for this feeling of comfort, it is there to mask the flies that begin to swarm around my decaying existence. As a general courtesy, stagnation does not rob me of my life in a violent or sudden attack, but rather a gradual soothing approach, much the way I would remove my child’s security blanket.

I’ve learned that staying in a situation just because I do not have the courage to recognize the need for change is in essence death, it’s death by circumstance. And, when I die…I don’t want to have any regrets. I will continue to move forward…to love, grown, learn, forgive, accept, challenge and respect: myself.

What will you chose to do with your life?

omg

Pretty much the funniest guilty pleasure website ever!

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Word....

happy things today...

Some of the things that are making me happy today….,

• Work pants that fit comfortably. Now that I’m down 12 lbs, the midsection of my pants seem to be a lot more comfortable and I don’t have to hold my breath all day at work. Which, is a plus that will help to preserve some of my brain cells..so yaay!

• Healthy and delicious snacks. I know, it probably sounds funny that I jumped from weight loss to talking about food…but, the two pretty much go hand in hand.

One thing that I’ve learned in the last few months is just how important it is to have a healthy relationship with food and ENJOYING snacks! Snacks are saving my life..literally. I feel satisfied with 2-3 light snacks throughout the day. Because of this, I can completely avoid falling victim to making high fat, high calorie, “fast and convenient” BAD choices.

Snacks keep my motor running and a smile on my face. Some of my favorites are string cheese, apples, pears, Clementine oranges, Fiber One bars, almonds and 100 calorie bags of popcorn.

• The holiday season! Usually, around this time of year I’m stressed out, tired, and ready to hang my hat on the last 12 months..but not this year. It’s been a great year for me and I am enjoying every single day that is left in 2009 while looking forward to next year! I expect next year to be even better. I’m thankful that I have made many healthy lifestyle changes this year. I know that it’s those choices that are providing me with the energy and high spirits to enjoy this holiday season.

And one final thing that is making me happy today….

• Good friends & family. I’m planning to spend a lot of quality time with my two best friends during this holiday season. Julie will be here visiting from Honduras next week, I’m so thankful that she always makes time to spend with us when she visits the US twice a year. Then, my parents are coming out to visit for a couple of days after Christmas. And, the fun doesn’t stop there. We will be heading out to Apple Valley to spend the New Year’s eve week with Hilda and her kiddos to break in their new home with cookie decorating, charades, laughs and fun.

I hope that you will take a moment today to reflect on the things that are making you happy too!

isabella

This blog post is in celebration of my youngest daughter, Isabella. With her loving spirit, bouncy curls and outrageous energy; she brings a smile to my face every day.

Isabella came into my life like the force of a steam engine locomotive, and hasn’t lost a lick of momentum yet! With a bigger than life personality and sweet smile; her charisma and charm command anyone in her presence into a hypnotic trance. But, not one that you’d want to break free from necessarily, rather one that you’re thrilled to be in.

Within this little bundle of cuteness resides an old wise soul. When I look into her eyes I can see the determination and the gift of perseverance in her heart. It’s as if she has been sent to teach us all, with great intensity, the lessons of love and happiness.

Daring, courageous, loving, explorative and simply fearless is she. Her delectable spirit has changed my life for the better. She’s added an element to my family that complements our existing strengths and brings joy to our hearts.

(Photo credit: Chris Meierling, Twitter @ChrisMeierling, Blog: http://ui.asu.edu/blog/)

adriana

This blog post is dedicated to my oldest daughter, Adriana; who views the world through lyrical lenses and soulful eyes.

Adriana exudes creativity from the top of her head, to the tips of her toes. She is a gifted musician, artist and singer. Her good judgment, whit, and charm are no match for me…even on my best day. Most often she can be found with her nose deep in a book, and when she’s not reading…singing and strumming along to her favorite Taylor Swift or Demi Lovato songs.

In school, Adriana is an incredible student, she gets mostly "A"'s every semester! She’s an activist and champion supporter of the causes and concerns for the environment and animals. Last year, she was named the most likely to start a non-profit organization by her Hip Hop Dance instructor.

I’ve watched her grow to be such an amazing young lady who keeps me laughing, challenges me and makes me very proud!

I cannot imagine what I did to be blessed with such a dynamically beautiful and talented daughter.

(Photo credit: Chris Meierling, Twitter @ChrisMeierling, Blog: http://ui.asu.edu/blog/)

my December goals

Here are my goals for December--let the healthy lifestyle changes continue!

Fitness Goals:

20 min-Elliptical machine X 3 days per week
20 min-Walking X 2 days per week
30 min-Curves workout X 4-5 days per week

Nutritional Goals:

Healthy choices, balanced nutrition—Calorie intake between 1,600-2,100 calories a day

Personal Goals:

Come to terms with and let go of my emotional attachment to Troy. I want to be completely rid of any feelings that I should still be trying to make it work. I've loved him for far too long, and have given up so much of myself trying to make him happy and trying to prove to him that he should love me as much as I loved him. But, in the end it wasn't enough... and I have to accept that.

I think that it's been time to move on for a while now, but I was sticking it out because there were so many reasons why the idea of "Troy and I" just made sense. I have to just come to terms with the fact that I gave it everything I had..and then some. And, he wasn't willing to give even half of what I was..and I deserve so much more than that.

I have to let go BEFORE I go into the new year! 2010 is going to be my lucky year after all, (according to my spiritual guide)..and I want to be READY for all of the greatness that awaits me. Personally, and professionally.

i feel free...

I realized today that the most important truth is being true to myself. Being honest and accountable to myself has been far more difficult to accomplish than I ever knew. But now,...now that I finally realized how important it is, I can breath. And that is in essence, my freedom.

my challenge to you

It’s quite possible that there is a giant visible 140 watt light bulb floating above my head these days. I’m changing…I’m moving, walking, eating, loving, encouraging, smiling, playing, dreaming, and goal setting. As a result of these changes I am beginning to shrink on the outside and grow on the inside. Which, in retrospect, is exactly the opposite of how I ended up 120+ lbs over weight to begin with.

I can’t tell you how many times I have tried, or at the least considered trying diet fads, pills, fasts and even surgery to lose weight. Let's be real, losing weight is inconvienient and time consuming. It takes a lot of work! Who wants to be bothered with all of that? If there is a quick fix out there that will require minimal work on my part and will give me amazing results then I'd be stupid to NOT try it right? I'd be an idiot to want to work hard! Yes, I have had this very negotiation with myself in the past. I'm sure that we all have. But here's the only real diet pill you need to swallow. Dieting doesn’t work. Restricting certain food groups, doesn’t work. Changing your life..one day at a time..DOES WORK.

This isn’t the first time in my life that I’ve been on the path of better choices, exercise and nutrition..but for some reason it actually feels like my first time. There’s something different going on within me this time. I’m NOT on a diet…I’m NOT looking for a quick fix to a life long struggle. I’m simply making a lifestyle change. Now, I know how much that saying “lifestyle change” leaves many people perplexed by the illusion that this must be a smoke and mirror trick. But, I assure you it is far from trickery.

In fact, there’s a level of clarity to be seen once you make the decision to “change”. I think the ability is there, in EVERYONE..unfortunately, clarity is easy to miss when the life that we live is clouded by perceivably easy, quick and conveniently deep fried choices. Sure, it’s much easier to just lay on the couch or sleep in that extra hour, I’m no stranger to this kind of rationalization..but, as soon as I decided to stop making “easier” choices my life changed. I turned in my easy card, and gladly exchanged it for a hard card. Consequently, I found out that I am so much happier with the hard card in my pocket. And now, losing weight is simply a "bonus"....I'm in it for the happy!

My challenge to you

I challenge you to read these two statements (below) and for a moment, consider how you typically answer them. Then, try NOT making excuses for a while…let’s say one-two weeks. Then, come back to my blog and let me know how you did, and how you feel..and more importantly, how you plan to continue to love yourself enough to change your lifestyle.

“I can’t exercise today because ___________.”
(fill in the blank with your chosen vice for today-no time, too tired, stressed, broke, busy)

“I’m just going to pick up _____________ because I don’t have time to go to the store.” (again, fill in the blank for the drive-thru’s that you frequent)

...it's fuel, and I'm working my way up to premium!

Of course, within 10 minutes of posting my November goals a friend of mine at work tried to guilt me into going to this Thai restaurant by the office with him. I politely declined..but he was pretty persistent. So, I explained to him that I was watching my calories and making healthier choices and that Thai wasn't budgeted into my day..lol He tried to guilt me into it..talking about how we never have lunch anymore..yada yada.

Then, I realized that he just needed to justify eating that crap by making someone else go too. Misery loves the hell out of some company eh? Then he asked me what I had eaten today, (I wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh at me or get on the bandwagon, so I shared the honest truth..).

For breakfast I had a bowl of cereal, milk, an apple and my iced green tea from Starbucks (my one vice that I'm not ready to give up lol). Then, I had a pear mid morning. Then, I had leftover tuna helper for lunch and a glass of chocolate milk.

Now, I am about to enjoy a cup of herbal tea with a little honey. And, I explained that I had an apple and 1 tbs of peanut butter on my desk for this afternoon....and that I had about 400 calories left for dinner.

To which, he rolled his eyes and said, "That's NOT food!"... I have a feeling that my old lunch buddy and I will be parting ways during the noontime hour..lol

goals

A happy, fulfilling life is all about setting goals, meeting goals, accepting failure and learning from it...and then celebrating those accomplishments or lessons learned. So, on that sentiment I am setting these nutrition, fitness and personal goals for the month of November:

1) Do my best to meet my nutritional needs while staying under 2,300 calories per day.
2) Walk at least 1 mile, a minimum of 5 days per week.
3) Work out at Curves, a minimum of 4 days per week.
4) Read at least 4 (SparksPeople or other Healthy living news outlet) articles a week to improve my knowledge of nutrition, fitness and/or motivation.
5) Have fun and be silly with my girls..each and every day!
6) Limit fastfood to one or less times a week.(So far, we haven't had fastfood at all in almost two weeks!..big, accomplishment for my busy family!)