I finally did it....I registered my vehicle and changed my drivers license to AZ. I am now officially an AZ resident. Yes, it's true I have been here for about 10 months now. But, somewhere in the back of my mind putting off the "final changes" so to speak was my way of not completely committing to AZ. After everything I have been through in the last few years, it's somewhat surreal for me to finally plant my roots and fall in love with my new home.
So, as I walked down the aisle of matrimony between me and AZ I felt good about my decision. Hopefully, the two of us will be happy together for many years to come and be able to offer each other the kind of love and support needed to build this bond.
haha..ok, that was a little dramatic..but that's kind of how it feels man!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
something to think about....
Many times things happen in my life, and to those around me; that I can easily identify as good learning opportunities. Whether good or bad, it usually doesn’t take me long to realize the error of “our” ways and appreciate the outcome or, at the very least determine the rational purpose and just accept it. However; I recently learned of a disturbing course of events that has left me with a strange sense of compassion and self reflection.
You may have heard in the news about a woman in Riverside that is being charged with murder for killing her 17 month old son. She is currently in jail awaiting her delayed arraignment. She is in the psych ward and under suicide watch. Her husband and two other sons’ are left to pick up the pieces of this tragedy while trying to make sense of the horrific reality that has changed their worlds forever.
Well, that woman; is a close friend of mine. She is someone that I have always had a ton of respect for both professionally and personally. She is a smart, loving, talented woman. She is funny, ….my word is she funny! When we worked together in the past she would have me cracking up! She is quick witted, reasonable, and quite the smart ass (no wonder I like her eh?)..anyways, I have always admired her and have, over the years; shared my personal struggles with her and greatly respected her support and advice.
That said, …I have found the details of what she has done sooooo troubling. (I’m not going to go into those details as the media has done an ample job of painting that visual for me, but yes…it was bad..according to the details that have been released so far) It has been very difficult for me to accept that she could have intentionally hurt her baby. She loved her babies…scratch that…she ADORED her babies. I’m left with so many questions…how could this woman that I know, do this? I need more details…I need to know what was going on to have caused her to take her own child’s life in the way that she did. I cannot believe that this was anything other than a total mental breakdown…post partum depression? Some have speculated that she suffered from being bi-polar. At any rate, I have to believe in my heart that she was not in her right state of mind.
In my quest to think through all of this, I have decided that one of the reasons why I feel so determined to understand is because I feel strangely compassionate and sympathetic for my friend. When I think about how overwhelming my life is, and how stressed out I am at times; I wonder…could I ever have conceivably seen myself in some variation of her shoes? Couldn’t we all have at some point or another? Well, maybe I’m just more honest than others; but I have to believe that we’ve all had moments when we have allowed our stress, depression, struggles, exhaustion, etc. overwhelm us and have allowed it to come through in our communications with our children, whether verbal or physical.
Of course, for the majority of us we have the fortunate *fill in blank* --luck, good sense, mental stability?-- to have been able to demonstrate some self restraint and/or had the capacity of mind to withdraw our actions before they became anything remotely close to tragic. Of course, afterwards being left to then realize that your adult problems are not and SHOULD not be projected towards your babies. Then you start crying because you realize that you were just mean to the only person/people who love you completely without condition and rely on you to be their example and providing comfort and safety from the rest of the world…ok, well maybe that’s just me….again…but,….
But, what about the people who cannot take it back...or who do not exercise that same sense of control? Should we feel compassion for someone who goes too far? Does going too far without being able to take it back and living the rest of your life with that guilt somehow mean that you are not entitled to help or support?
Two weeks ago, I might have had a different answer. But, today; I have begun to understand a different side of caring, one that I hadn’t had the opportunity in my life to experience before but, that now upon reflection feel I can understand after some self reflection…I hope that when you read this, you will think about it and do some self reflection of your own.
You may have heard in the news about a woman in Riverside that is being charged with murder for killing her 17 month old son. She is currently in jail awaiting her delayed arraignment. She is in the psych ward and under suicide watch. Her husband and two other sons’ are left to pick up the pieces of this tragedy while trying to make sense of the horrific reality that has changed their worlds forever.
Well, that woman; is a close friend of mine. She is someone that I have always had a ton of respect for both professionally and personally. She is a smart, loving, talented woman. She is funny, ….my word is she funny! When we worked together in the past she would have me cracking up! She is quick witted, reasonable, and quite the smart ass (no wonder I like her eh?)..anyways, I have always admired her and have, over the years; shared my personal struggles with her and greatly respected her support and advice.
That said, …I have found the details of what she has done sooooo troubling. (I’m not going to go into those details as the media has done an ample job of painting that visual for me, but yes…it was bad..according to the details that have been released so far) It has been very difficult for me to accept that she could have intentionally hurt her baby. She loved her babies…scratch that…she ADORED her babies. I’m left with so many questions…how could this woman that I know, do this? I need more details…I need to know what was going on to have caused her to take her own child’s life in the way that she did. I cannot believe that this was anything other than a total mental breakdown…post partum depression? Some have speculated that she suffered from being bi-polar. At any rate, I have to believe in my heart that she was not in her right state of mind.
In my quest to think through all of this, I have decided that one of the reasons why I feel so determined to understand is because I feel strangely compassionate and sympathetic for my friend. When I think about how overwhelming my life is, and how stressed out I am at times; I wonder…could I ever have conceivably seen myself in some variation of her shoes? Couldn’t we all have at some point or another? Well, maybe I’m just more honest than others; but I have to believe that we’ve all had moments when we have allowed our stress, depression, struggles, exhaustion, etc. overwhelm us and have allowed it to come through in our communications with our children, whether verbal or physical.
Of course, for the majority of us we have the fortunate *fill in blank* --luck, good sense, mental stability?-- to have been able to demonstrate some self restraint and/or had the capacity of mind to withdraw our actions before they became anything remotely close to tragic. Of course, afterwards being left to then realize that your adult problems are not and SHOULD not be projected towards your babies. Then you start crying because you realize that you were just mean to the only person/people who love you completely without condition and rely on you to be their example and providing comfort and safety from the rest of the world…ok, well maybe that’s just me….again…but,….
But, what about the people who cannot take it back...or who do not exercise that same sense of control? Should we feel compassion for someone who goes too far? Does going too far without being able to take it back and living the rest of your life with that guilt somehow mean that you are not entitled to help or support?
Two weeks ago, I might have had a different answer. But, today; I have begun to understand a different side of caring, one that I hadn’t had the opportunity in my life to experience before but, that now upon reflection feel I can understand after some self reflection…I hope that when you read this, you will think about it and do some self reflection of your own.
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